7 APR 2026

well this is my first diary entry. i dont know if anyone will read this but its at least an outlet for me. i relapsed 2 weeks ago after feeling really shitty about my weight. i gained 20lbs from my lw, which was still underweight (ive never let myself be a healthy weight, ever). honestly i feel like i barely look different from my lw.when i first weighed myself i was 109lbs, and my most recent weigh in i was 101lbs. anyways, i told my gf almost immediately because its really difficult to hide my habits from her. she was pretty upset but she understands that trying to stop me wont do any good for either of us.

im trying to maintain a high calorie restriction; so my max intake would be maintenance but i try to keep it at 1200 or lower. and im putting a focus on my step count, and trying to maintain a high protein and fiber intake. so far the biggest struggle has actually been keeping my intake high, because i feel nervous seeing such a high number, but i have to understand that im still restricting even on a high intake. im starting my new job where i have to be on my feet, so im hoping thatll increase my steps, and that my intake will give me the energy for it. the downside is that ill be working at a fast food restaurant that specializes in ice creams and sugary drinks. everyone there seems nice but i get this nervous pit about working there since im still new. ive only worked the one shift and i have another one tomorrow, hoping itll go well.

today my intake was on the higher side, even higher than normal. i had 1286cal 104g protein 36g fiber. i feel like an idiot eating over 1200 when i just said that i try to eat under it. my weight hasnt really gone down on the scale even though i should reach my 95lb gw this month, i pray im below 100lbs tomorrow. i think for reaching my gw, ill buy a mizuki plush and some clothes for her. OH! that reminds me! i bought some stuff for an ita bag that im so excited for. i cant decide if i want it to be just mizuki themed or mizumafu themed, but i already bought a bunch of mizuki pins and i have some plushes i could put on the bag, AND i bought some cute photocard holders.

anyways thats it for me today. i have no idea how often i will update this, ill try weekly, if not daily ;PP.